Well would you look at that?! I’ve been on my adventures for a whole day now. And I’d love to regale you with exciting tales of French markets and … well, Just French markets would do, but I’ve spend that time either driving or asleep.
It appears I have an unfounded quasi dislike of France and seem to be ripping through it like a knife through very ripe brie.
742 miles in and I’m making a proper stop so ‘they’ can win me over (everyone had been utterly delightful, I’m merely a bit of a nob). I’m just south of La Rochelle – I can hear the sea, some delighted children and a wood pigeon, All is well.
So in lieu of any interesting stories I give you 10 things I’ve learnt in 24 hours. In no particular order…
1. If you sit under the shade of a pine tree to eat, moth larvae will fall into both your dinner and your hair at an impressive rate.
2. Unless you’re a Russian oligarch or a premiership footballer NEVER take the toll roads. 22 euros in 2 and a half hours of driving. I wouldn’t mind but the roads, which you hope they would plough the money back into, are average at best.
3. Aircon, which I am new to, is impossible to get right. It’s either goose bumps or a hot flush. But worse than that it’s addictive. 51 years of neither having it or needing it and now I fiddle with it constantly, what kind of monster have I become?!
4. If you use unisex shower rooms you will hear a lifetime of phlegmy throat-clearing condensed into 10 minutes. It’s offical, men are disgusting. And before you pipe up with ‘not all men.’ I can tell you in my sample of 2 men, 100% of them were vile.
5. British people cannot leave home without a satellite dish. Ok, maybe only 4%, but it’s 4% too many.
6. The Google maps woman has the most horrendous French accent imaginable. Whoever programmed her should be thoroughly ashamed of himself (sorry, but it’ll be a man right? Google is riddled with them).
7. Trying to banter in a language you know about 2% of Is always going to end badly.
8. If you can hear mosquitos and see mosquitos, chances are it’s already too late for repellent
9. The B52’s self titled album has a) stood the test of time, and is b) utterly bonkers.
10. The French smuggle ham in everything. EVERYTHING.
I hope my next blog will be more content-
heavy, but in the meantime know that I am extremely happy to be here, sitting by my campervan, just being.